I dive into myself,my psyche,to discover myself.
an altered state of my unconscious,brings me to consciousness.
An epileptic (like me) seems to have a disposition for having a reduction to the hippocampus,which I think,(I can only guess at) meditation is why I am able to block out the voices and hallucinations (I am also schizophrenic),which I should not be able to.
Thankfully ,as I found out recently,meditation (which I practice daily) increases it(the hippocampus.)
By the way,I do not know how to explain this fully,the voices are just a background ‘hum’,and hallucinations are rare and last only a split second.I can still ‘see’ people though,I don’t know if this makes any sense,who I ‘see’ is usually a woman,the dead bodies I halucinate are usually (I assume, men) – Sometimes I have feelings which I don’t know if real or not,feelings of pain or sadness,ect.
Sometimes if I meditate enough,I feel such peace,I tend to make places my meditation sites,and they are always in nature (woods mainly).There are many different ways to cope with mental illness,the individual will find out what works for them,sadly it can take time, which,in some cases,may not always be found in time.Yes I am talking about suicide,there is way to stop that from happening though,I refer to something I once read (I may not get this accurately correct ) If you see someone crying or in obvious anguish,even if you even make a small gesture,take that time,you could be saving someone’s life.
It feels wrong to do so,but I wish to make the subject myself,to return to what I was saying,if you wish me to do so. Does that sound too self indulgent?
If I were to be Jungian (almost),the female part of my phyche represents my respect towards women,how sympathetic I am to the gentler sexes feelings (don’t get me wrong,I am a very sensitive person to most people in need) I said most as even those I don’t like I internally(hidden,if you like) feel sorrow for that person. My actual hallucinations? (visual I mean.) It seems they are a mixture of my personal wish to die,coupled with my wish that the oppression of women,of sexism, ceases to exist.
Oh ,and by the way,for those who don’t know about the hippocampus,it is located beneath the cerebral cortex,(the temporal lobe to be exact) and is responsible for long term memory and emotions.
May I continue with what I was driving at earlier? If only all you do is like a tweet or Facebook message for mental health charities,you have done a great deal,and you should be proud of yourself.
If you read this,I thankyou so much,every single one of us should have the right to respect ourselves, is it not time that we should all know what freedom means,regardless of colour,race, or opinion,gender,sexuality,mental health,ect. ?I may have learnt to deal with this long ago,but what about those who are unable or simply can’t?In short please mull upon my words. I thankyou so much for taking the time to read.
P.S. : This was left anonymous for a reason.